Edited - Why Do I Do It?
Posted by shadow575 on January 14, 2008
I had an entirely different post written for today. I decided to hold onto it for later, as it still very likely will be needed but just couldn’t publish it at this time. Instead I chose to go the high road and leave it at that.
I have always tried to keep an open mind about the ODP while holding true to my core beliefs of what this project is and what it can become. I do truly love this project and hope that in some small way my contributions have some value. Maybe they don’t, I get that feeling more and more lately but I am stubborn in my ways so I hold on that they are of some value.
I have never had a problem speaking my mind, even when I really should keep my damn mouth shut. That is one of my weaknesses I suppose. That can’t be changed this late in life and frankly I wouldn’t want to change it. I stand by my beliefs and opinions. Others disagree, but I don’t feel I owe anyone an apology for speaking my mind and don’t plan on issuing any apologies for those opinions anytime soon. Sorry.
Having said that, now its on to my DMOZ impressions for the day. Frankly I don’t know what I am feeling today. Its kind of scary, most days like today where the “Big Red Button” is flashing at me, I am trying to find a reason to go ahead and push it and be done. Today is a little different, as I am seeing the button flashing and struggling to find a reason not to push it. That scares me frankly. Whether you like me or hate me (guessing most fall under the later), no one should be able to argue that I don’t sincerely love this project and its editors. I have never done this to seek recognition or appreciation, I certainly don’t do it for the kind words that are said to/about me (insert sarcasm here).
Why do I do it then?
- Because I enjoy and love it.
- Because of those who took the time to mentor me in the past.
- Because of those who still ask me to mentor them today.
- Because of the daily inquiries I get from newish editors seeking guidance and advice.
- Because I think its a good project full of mostly great people.
- Because of the friendships I have formed and those I communicate with daily.
I have always believed that I would rather be hated for who I am, than be loved for what I am not. That still holds true today, but more and more I wonder: Why I do I continue to open myself up to it each and every day?
Normally I would find plenty of positive answers to that question. Recent events have shown me less and less reason to bother though. They have given me less and less reason to care, and yet here I am still struggling with that same question. Is it really worth it, is it really worth the grief? 6 months ago I would have responded with a quick and firm yes. This morning its just “I don’t know”.
As I always do, I will take a breather and step back. Let the past weeks personal losses settle and absorb recent events. Hopefully things will look better after some time is taken to absorb them.
I hope so.
January 14, 2008 at 10:38 pm
Well at least it seems I’m not the only one to sometimes, feel that.
I think it’s absolutely logical to feel that kind of thing when you’re invested in a non-paid project.
Let’s just hope that you’ll face it and you’re not gonna resign.
January 15, 2008 at 1:34 pm
Let’s just hope that you’ll face it and you’re not gonna resign.
You may be in the minority with that hope.
I appreciate the time you used to comment and the comment itself. Thanks.
January 17, 2008 at 1:38 pm
I’ve always managed to avoid the big red button - (I did timeout once many moons ago) - if I get dispirited I tend to drift off onto other interests for a time until I feel rejuvenated and enthusiastic about the project again. I confess I have a limited attention span
- so my editing has always been in spurts of activity that capture it for a period of time - whether that’s building up new cats, reviewing editor applications, tending old favourites or pushing reorganisations. You could try going out for beer and curry - that always cheers me up!
January 17, 2008 at 1:56 pm
andysands -
Hence my partial return yesterday.
Thanks for taking the time to comment! I agree. Mostly what cheers me up is playing with the kids or chatting on my IRC channel. Its really hard for me to give this up, not because of the editing bug so much (all though it plays its part), more so because of those who require my ear on a daily basis. The ones that send regular PM’s and emails asking questions and trying to learn the ropes keep me going. I can’t abandon them unless there is absolutely no other option.
January 19, 2008 at 1:02 pm
Hi shadow. Please, stay with us, the project needs people like you. Avoid the big red button. I’m singing “Don’t go, please stay” with Aaron Neville for you
January 19, 2008 at 10:51 pm
[...] a aussi le blues : Why Do I Do It ? most days like today where the “Big Red Button” is flashing at me, I am trying to find a [...]
January 20, 2008 at 7:32 am
I am 100% sure that every editor who has a long-term and altruistic commitment to DMOZ experiences this at least once. Some of us struggle with it many times, and a spell away from the directory is a often a very healthy thing. Nobody needs to feel bad about taking a break, and for those true editing-addicts among us, sometimes a day or two is enough to refuel our enthusiasm. With a 4 month delay until a time-out is triggered, it is rarely necessary to resign to take a break … unless of course voluntary abstention is a near-impossibility (as many of us have found).
January 20, 2008 at 5:26 pm
What andysands said.
January 21, 2008 at 1:40 pm
Thanks everyone! No I am not going anywhere at this point. Just feeling extremely frustrated with a few things. As one of the comments pointed out its not something is unique to me. All of us who have been here for any period of time and love this project have felt similar frustrations I am sure. Getting back at it now.